A week or two before the wedding, our videographers (I want to call them cinematographers, because their stuff is so ridiculously beautiful) invited us over to film some “interviews” with us individually, to include in our highlights video (due in January!). I sat upstairs watching Frasier for 15 minutes with a very large, very friendly cat while he was whisked down to the basement studio, where he was asked questions about me, him, us… where we’d met, what we liked to do, what our first date was (thank heavens we answered the same thing!), and which word we’d use to best describe each other. I was caught off guard when they’d asked me for my word best describing him. If you’ve been reading for a while, you know I’m far from a girl of few words. I have Lots to Say about Lots of Things, the wordcount only growing the more I care about something. (Thank you for continually putting up with me!) To sum up someone in a single word wasn’t something that came easily, and I blurted out something awful like “calm” (?!) – but had to ask him, after we were finished, what he’d chosen for me.
“Passionate”. I smiled when he’d told me, because it wasn’t the first time someone had said I do things with my entire heart. I think 2010 has been the year of growth, the year of choice, the year I’ve put on the shoes that always seemed two sizes too big and clamped my feet down hard until they fit comfortably. The year I finally realised the true power that everyone holds, to live the life you’ve always wanted. Not in the material sense, with a timeshare in Jamaica or the big fireplace in the living room, or the kitchen with shiny pots and pans hanging from the ceiling. Not the working kind, with a nameplate on your door, fancy letters following your name on your resume, or a personal assistant. Not the kind where you can take a day off to do whatever you want, whenever you want, because all those things, though nice, don’t make life life. They just occupy little corners of it, but by themselves, aren’t really the be all and end all. No, what makes the life you’ve always dreamed of living is the attitude with which you choose to face it. It’s so easy to coast through simply waiting for “one day”, when we have this or that, when we have more money, or friends, or the perfect house or job or partner. It’s so easy make excuses for life not being what you want, while sitting there doing nothing about it. I wanted to stop being afraid. I wanted to stop letting circumstance team up with the inner critic and shackle me down, away from everything the world has to offer, and everything I never believed I could offer the world. 2010 was a year of determination. 2010 was a year of growth.I don’t think the door needs to close on that determination, but I think 2011 is a time for another door to open, and the spotlight to shine on something else. I want it to shine on passion. I want to continue to try my bloody well damnedest to be better, be more to the world, have more of an impact, and I think the only way to do that is to tackle absolutely everything with absolutely everything I have. I want to read more books and take more notes, jotting down beautiful sentences and locking them away in memory for future inspiration. I want to teach more classes, speak more publicly, more confidently, and more passionately, desperately trying to make my delivery line up with the passion I feel inside. I want to love harder, not just in my relationship but in my friendships and family relationships; have my Dad over and cook him something that took absolutely hours, but that we’ll enjoy an incredible amount. I want to do more with my friends, see art exhibitions, throw more dinner parties, laugh more, and tell them more often how much I love them. I want to attempt everything on that list, even the tough stuff, and give all of it all I’ve got. I want to learn more about psychology and science, study more Middle English, observe humanity and social interaction with fervor and keep more of a record of life, emotion, and introspection. I want to take more photographs, see more sights, spend more of my time filling it up with experience and future memory, and less time in front of a computer screen. I want to make my little cat feel like the most loved creature in all the world, even if it means spending an hour playing catch and dangling fishes on strings instead of watching EastEnders. I want to take care of myself and always choose health over convenience. I want to follow through on the dreams I’ve been keeping locked up inside my head, keeping prisoner from the possibility of soaring, for fear of failure. I want to sing whenever I want to with every fibre of my being, without hesitation or reserve. I want to see all the sights and soak up all the sunrays of faraway places. I want to make a plan and stick to it knowing that sometimes we have to go through the tough stuff to get where we were meant to be, and I want to face everything with a spirit of grace, dedication, acceptance and awareness.
2010’s been great for growth. But 2011 is going to be fuelled by passion and hope that by the end of it, I’ll be that much closer to doing what I was truly meant to be doing… and being who I was truly meant to be. What are you hoping for in 2011?