The Mysterious Case of Google Gone Wild

One of my favourite things about blogging is checking in with my stats every now and then to go through the highly amusing search engine terms that people somewhere out there in the world are looking up on Google, and somehow ending up at my blog. Inspired by Wendy’s post, here are some favourites that rank, bizarrely, pretty highly on my all time Search Engine Term statistics:

1. “Tattoo epic fail.”  Okay, so my tattoo right now is a pretty epic fail, but there’s no need to rub it in. This is one of the highest hitting searches I’ve ever had, and 34 people have searched for this exact phrase, and landed at one of my posts about the mess my back tattoo is in right now. Thankfully, this weekend I went back for my final consultation with my new saving grace, and Operation: 40-Hour Cover Up the Cover Up is under way! Now if only I didn’t have to come up with a $1,000 deposit to get on the waiting list…

2. “Trevor Horn.”  It took me a really long time to figure out who this was, and for a while I was kind of worried about the number of people searching for this mysterious man and ending up here – but then it dawned on me: Trevor Horn, of Video Killed the Radio Star fame was mentioned in one post about two years ago, referring to an odd repeat customer I was having at work, who wore similar giant 80s glasses and smelled so bad I had to evacuate the premises and open every fire exit in the middle of winter. Fun times.

3. “Abominable snowsuit. Somehow, sixteen people have been hunting for this exact thing, though I’m not sure if it was my unfortunate snowsuit they were looking for.

4. “Marina Diamandis smoking.”  This, next to my own name, is the biggest search that’s led people to my blog, and some variation of it shows up almost every other day. I didn’t even know she did smoke, and certainly don’t remember referring to it in my little tribute!

5. “Weeping Angels.” …And then came the nerdy ones. I have more than a few handfuls of sci-fi references in my search engine terms, including “tardis blink,” “nerdgasm costumes” “night of the living trekkies,” “3 things aliens can do on earth” and, a personal favourite, “hit it my dear, i’ll go klingon on that ass,” but this one tops the lot with a grand total of 38 searches. Strangely, “wheeping angel tattoo” led four people here as well.

6. “Blue eyed university students” scores on the top ten, and is the only one that leaves me clueless as to where they ended up.

7. “The bad news is that time flies, the good news is that you’re the pilot.” I always like it when people search for this one, because it means they’ve just watched one of my favourite movies, Cashback.  If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. A warning though: the promotional poster was the word pasted over a woman’s naked chest. This movie’s artsy, intelligent, somewhat fantasy, and has the lovely bloke who played Oliver Wood in Harry Potter in it, but in case you wanted to peek at the trailer, it’s kind of NSFW. Great film, though.

8. “Creepy phone guy” is pretty up there, with 14 poor people having experienced one of these in their lives.  This search probably led them either to this weirdo, or the time a couple of years ago someone had misdialled once and then proceeded to start calling me regularly, “wanting someone to talk to”.

9. “French big fat ladies.” This one baffles me. I know, I know, the English are supposed to hate the French, but I’m marrying (close to) a Frenchman, and though I may have referenced that fact on a couple of occasions, I don’t think big fat ladies have ever intentionally been a part of my blog content. Yet, amazingly, they rank on the list.

10. Lastly, possibly my favourite: “Pirate prayers“. AWESOME. I loved it the first time I saw it leading someone here, and though I did reference the two things once in the same post, they were intended to be in two separate sentences.  But now I really want to know what exactly a pirate prayer would encompass. No pun intended.*

I know a few of you have some pretty entertaining search engine results – anyone else care to share? 🙂

* I’m so sorry.

 



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53 comments

  1. i’m sorry but “hit it my dear, i’ll go klingon on that ass”?!?!?! LMAO the internet is a strange strange place!!! too funny!!

  2. Oh wow girl… these are hilarious, thanks for the peek into your ‘behind the scenes’! For some reason I keep getting ‘retro microphone’ searches on mine… not quite as exciting or entertaining ha ha.

  3. I use Sitemeter, rather than Google Analytics, so I don’t get the extent of metrics that you do. However, I can tell you that my post about literary tattoos has probably generated more hits on my blog than all my other posts combined. Mostly they are google image search hits, and don’t actually count.

    Aside from that, I get a lot of hits from the phrase “proud to be an american” because I’ve written a few essays on the topic, and also “how to write a sequel” because I posted on that a few years ago. Nothing dorky, but I love “pirate prayers!”

    1. Actually these are just from the built-in WordPress stats – I’ve always wanted to be able to use GA, but it’s not compatible with WP.com blogs 😦 But they’re definitely enough for a good laugh every once in a while 🙂

  4. it is going to be my personal mission to figure out how someone looked for big fat french ladies and ended up at your blog lol

  5. Hahaha!! Unfortunately, my google search hits are pretty boring, usually about book titles I’ve reviewed. I guess that’s a reflection on my blog content :o/ Gotta love google though 🙂

  6. You need to teach me how to get/read your stats… I’d be very intrigued if people find my blog by googling certain phrases.
    (Ha, possible “Pearl Jam”, because my blogname is a phrase from the lyrics of one of their songs… but that would actually be a compliment.)

    I think it’s so funny how Google works… 😉

  7. Wow, lol. You sure have a lot of unique searches!! Mine’s all pretty obvious or similar or some are weird. I do get a lot of “tattoo” searches to my tattoo post since I think my picture is on Google Images. It’s kind of annoying since I’d like to see my stats for people who come to read…not just to see a picture.

  8. I’ve gotten a lot of “she’s come undone” because it’s a song and a movie!

    I’ve also gotten “is turkish tabouli a gay dish?” <—really? and "undone perfume" <—a perfume that makes you undress?

  9. I wish I would have thought to google: “Blue eyed university students” when I was in college. I think now I will just google “Half-decent men with blue eyes in New York City” ha. I admit, had I not found your blog through Hannah’s, I probably would have eventually stumbled upon it via my inevitable search for an “Abominable Snowsuit” because who doesn’t need one. : )

  10. Thank you for the link love!!!

    I love this!! “Hit it my dear, i’ll go klingon on that ass” is probably the best! I haven’t been getting exciting search engine terms lately which is kinda sad (what?? :p ) I recently got “blogspot get sharp” but I have no idea what it means. Haha.

  11. Haha, nice one!

    Didn’t you say someone searched “Vicki Foulds Wedding” and found your blog once?? I wish there was a way you could find out who was googling my wedding!! Haha

    Pirate prayers.. Brilliant.

    1. I know! There are lots of times I wish you could find out WHO was looking for certain things. Like the day I had people search the names of all my ex boyfriends and my first house in Canada one by one. Creepy.

  12. This is really great! You inspired me to look up my search terms and I don’t have anything too weird, except for maybe “Jane Jetson face” and “Jane Jetson putting on her face”. I don’t know why someone would be searching that…

  13. Haha, who on earth would want to get a tattoo of a wheeping angel? They are just about the creepiest thing I’ve seen on television!
    I wish people found my blog by searching for hilarious things, but most search terms are pretty boring.

    1. Oh, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! I’d be interested to hear your thoughts afterward. And yes, I imagine with your blog title you’d probably get a few interesting searches! 🙂

  14. I signed up for Google Analytics over the summer and I love looking at the map and seeing where people are reading from. It’s intriguing to me that I’ve had people in Dublin reading my blog!!!

    1. That’s the one thing I wish I could see! WordPress stats don’t show where people are coming from, and for some reason you can’t use Google Analytics with WordPress.com blogs 😦 It’s a really neat thought to think about people all over the world reading though!

  15. Hi Emily,
    This post made me laugh. Blue-eyed university students? Creepy phone guy? Wow, can I just say, wow? Ha ha.
    I published a post along these lines about awhile back, and the one term I remember the most was a high number of people searching for “cardboard sleds”. What??
    Well, I forgot that I had a guest at my site from Australia, who lived in Banff (AB, Canada) for awhile who participated in a charity event where they had to race cardboard sleds down a huge snow-packed mountainside. The video was hilarious. I had no idea so many people were searching for how to build a cardboard sled.

    Anyhoo, this post made me laugh and was quite entertaining.
    Have a great day!
    ~xo
    (P.S. “what exactly a pirate prayer would encompass…” (ha ha ha!)

  16. Haha, love this. A few of the more random I’ve had are: “addicted to pole” “penis straws” & “dignity be damned”. The things people search for!

  17. Oh you’ve gotta love Google stats! I haven’t done a stats post in a while and this has inspired me to get to it, so there will be one coming soon. I love the crazy things people search for but the best part is trying to figure out how the heck they ended up on your blog. Some of the search terms are just so obscure! Now I’m off to read up about your tattoo – I’m intrigued! 🙂

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