So there’s this total weirdo I’ve been lucky enough to have coming in to visit me at work for the last couple of weeks. First, he comes in looking like he’s been in a coma for 6 months and hasn’t got around to shaving yet, asking if we can help him get a job and type up some proposal about getting energy from the algae in ponds, and going off to Cirque du Soleil, and how the French find him too weird but the English don’t, and… yeah. I think that paints enough of a picture. I told him we don’t do that kind of writing service… but to maybe try the Yellow Pages.

He comes back a couple of weeks later (clean shaven), asking if we can do up his resume. I was happy to finally hear a normal request – because that’s what we do – so I said yes, we could definitely help him with that. I told him he had to make an appointment and either leave a deposit or a credit card number. He said he wouldn’t be getting any money for 2 weeks, so he took my business card, and said he’d come back.

Which he did. Today. He came in this morning, panting heavily and wet from the rain, saying “might seem a little weird to just drop by… but I wanted to say hi.” Then he left.

That was a little weird.

Then he comes back this afternoon and leaves me an automatic pencil with business cards attached to it. He says “it’s a present for you, I’ll let you read what’s inside… and leave it at that, I’m kind of on your territory here…” and left.

I opened the first of his series of notes. On the back of one business card was written “recognized me right away even though I graduated in 1988, been about that long too.”

On the back of another business card it said “Reference: Known 20 years can vouch I’m no druggie, but my sister is and I’ve been trying to help her for years. Nuff said. Manchester men suck. Opinionated, right no matter what. While I am accustomed to pussy encounters I’m really interested in your cat…”

And on the back of MY business card, which I’d given him earlier, it said: “DINNER, 9-o-clock sharp. Dress to remove clothing, or we skip dinner and move directly to removing. (Phone #) – Bill, or William if you will.”

…!