One of my favourite things about blogging is checking in with my stats every now and then to go through the highly amusing search engine terms that people somewhere out there in the world are looking up on Google, and somehow ending up at my blog. Inspired by Wendy’s post, here are some favourites that rank, bizarrely, pretty highly on my all time Search Engine Term statistics:

1. “Tattoo epic fail.”  Okay, so my tattoo right now is a pretty epic fail, but there’s no need to rub it in. This is one of the highest hitting searches I’ve ever had, and 34 people have searched for this exact phrase, and landed at one of my posts about the mess my back tattoo is in right now. Thankfully, this weekend I went back for my final consultation with my new saving grace, and Operation: 40-Hour Cover Up the Cover Up is under way! Now if only I didn’t have to come up with a $1,000 deposit to get on the waiting list…

2. “Trevor Horn.”  It took me a really long time to figure out who this was, and for a while I was kind of worried about the number of people searching for this mysterious man and ending up here – but then it dawned on me: Trevor Horn, of Video Killed the Radio Star fame was mentioned in one post about two years ago, referring to an odd repeat customer I was having at work, who wore similar giant 80s glasses and smelled so bad I had to evacuate the premises and open every fire exit in the middle of winter. Fun times.

3. “Abominable snowsuit.“ Somehow, sixteen people have been hunting for this exact thing, though I’m not sure if it was my unfortunate snowsuit they were looking for.

4. “Marina Diamandis smoking.”  This, next to my own name, is the biggest search that’s led people to my blog, and some variation of it shows up almost every other day. I didn’t even know she did smoke, and certainly don’t remember referring to it in my little tribute!

5. “Weeping Angels.” …And then came the nerdy ones. I have more than a few handfuls of sci-fi references in my search engine terms, including “tardis blink,” “nerdgasm costumes” “night of the living trekkies,” “3 things aliens can do on earth” and, a personal favourite, “hit it my dear, i’ll go klingon on that ass,” but this one tops the lot with a grand total of 38 searches. Strangely, “wheeping angel tattoo” led four people here as well.

6. “Blue eyed university students” scores on the top ten, and is the only one that leaves me clueless as to where they ended up.

7. “The bad news is that time flies, the good news is that you’re the pilot.” I always like it when people search for this one, because it means they’ve just watched one of my favourite movies, Cashback.  If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. A warning though: the promotional poster was the word pasted over a woman’s naked chest. This movie’s artsy, intelligent, somewhat fantasy, and has the lovely bloke who played Oliver Wood in Harry Potter in it, but in case you wanted to peek at the trailer, it’s kind of NSFW. Great film, though.

8. “Creepy phone guy” is pretty up there, with 14 poor people having experienced one of these in their lives.  This search probably led them either to this weirdo, or the time a couple of years ago someone had misdialled once and then proceeded to start calling me regularly, “wanting someone to talk to”.

9. “French big fat ladies.” This one baffles me. I know, I know, the English are supposed to hate the French, but I’m marrying (close to) a Frenchman, and though I may have referenced that fact on a couple of occasions, I don’t think big fat ladies have ever intentionally been a part of my blog content. Yet, amazingly, they rank on the list.

10. Lastly, possibly my favourite: “Pirate prayers“. AWESOME. I loved it the first time I saw it leading someone here, and though I did reference the two things once in the same post, they were intended to be in two separate sentences.  But now I really want to know what exactly a pirate prayer would encompass. No pun intended.*

I know a few of you have some pretty entertaining search engine results – anyone else care to share? 🙂

* I’m so sorry.