Nots

I’m not an extrovert or an introvert. I’m not as outgoing as I was ten years ago… but I’m not as shy as I was two years ago. I’m not comfortable being the centre of attention, but I’m not one to fade into the background either. I’m not a follower of fashion, but I still like to look good. I’m not capable of curling my own hair. I’m not a party animal, but will make every effort to occasionally go to a local indie music night just to be surrounded by the fun and energy of a group of people with a common love of something that’s not part of the mainstream. I’m not as into reading as I am at heart. This is something I’d very much like to change. I’m still not a Canadian citizen and I don’t know if I ever will be – this country has been good to me but I still don’t feel entirely like it’s “home”. I’m not a gossip – if you’re not part of the problem or the solution, then nothing positive is going to come of passing on stories. I’m not going to stop giving to my sponsor child or owning animals even if I am living in my overdraft. Kindness is more important than money. I’m not going to be someone I’m not in order to fit in. Maybe this doesn’t make me the most popular kid on the block, but true relationships are infinitely more fulfilling even if their number is few. I’m not sure where I’m going to be in ten years. Heck, I’m not sure where I’m going to be in five years. I’m not going to settle for a job where I’m taken advantage of and unappreciated for much longer. I’m not a fighter. Sometimes you have to take a breath and look at the big picture before you decide your next move. I’m not however scared to stand up to you if you mistreat someone I love. I’m not sure where I stand spiritually, but it’s something that’s growing and evolving constantly. I’m not sure what that means. I’m not a driver. In the past walking Winnipeg winters has been something to complain about, but there’s better things in life to focus my energy on than things I cannot change. I’m not afraid to tell you the truth: if I say something you might not want to hear, it’s probably because I care about you more than you realise and I honestly think it’s for your own good. I’m not who I used to be: I’ve had a few bad experiences but I’m not one to self-pity; I’ve learned from my mistakes and become a better person because of them, with the help of a few very good hearted people. I’m not afraid to tell you about the past, because I know the people that don’t care or judge me for it will still be in my future. I’m not going to hold back on telling you how thankful I am you’re in my life. If I care about you, you mean a lot, and I’m going to tell you that – even if it is weird. I’m not as into video games as I used to be – I find myself feeling guilty if I spend 3 hours in a virtual world of make believe, but will happily spend the same time in a literary one. I’m not a neat freak but I refuse to live in a dirty or messy apartment. A bit of clutter is a sign of a creative mind. I’m not ever going to find anyone more amazing than the love I have right now, and I’m not going to go a single day without stopping to be thankful for that.

Thanks to Kyla Bea for passing along the idea for this post. You’re right, it was harder than it looks!!

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3 comments

  1. I really like this one – it’s tough but you tackled it really beautifully!

    I really enjoy reading these when they belong to people I know – it just makes it even that much more interesting. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!

  2. this makes my day!!!
    my fav line: “I’m not afraid to tell you about the past, because I know the people that don’t care or judge me for it will still be in my future”. I’ve stuck with you this far, I might as well go to the end! lol. <3.

    You’re so strong and I so appreciate and look up to you for that. I loved our talk we had last Monday, and I look up to your willingness to still be who you are and not let anything pull you down!

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