That was probably one of the most… memorable Christmases I’ve ever had. The year is almost done and I can’t believe how much has happened. These Faithless lyrics kind of sum up the past year, in a way:
So much more than I thought this world could ever hold
So much more than I thought this world could ever hold
We think we’re heroes, we think we’re kings
We plan all kinds of fabulous things
Oh look how great we have become
Key in the door, the moment I’ve been longing for
Before my bag hits the floor
My adorable children rush up screaming for a kiss,
and a story, they’re a gift to this world
My only claim to glory
I surely never knew sweeter days
Blows my mind like munitions
I’m amazed
So much heaven, so much hell
So much love, so much pain
So much more than I thought this world could ever contain
So much war, so much soul
One man’s loss, another man’s goal
So much more than I thought this world can ever hold
We’re just children, we’re just dust
We are small and we are lost
And we’re nothing, nothing at all
One bomb, the whole block gone
Can’t find me children and dust covers the sun
Everywhere is noise, panic and confusion
But to some, another fun day in Babylon
I’m gonna bury my wife and dig up my gun
My life is done, so now I’ve got to kill someone
So much heaven, so much hell
So much love, so much pain
So much more than I thought this world could ever contain
So much war, so much soul
One man’s loss, another man’s goal
So much more than I thought this world could ever hold
So much more than I thought this world could ever hold
So much more than I thought this world could ever hold
So much heaven, so much hell
So much love, so much pain
So much more than I thought this world could ever contain
So much war, so much soul
One man’s loss, another man’s goal
So much more than I thought this world could ever hold
It’s a strange year to look back on. The beginning held a lot of promise, and a lot of wonderful things happened this year. I met some amazing people, I got a really good job, had some fun parties, started a course, became a lot closer with my dad, got my kittens who I absolutely love… got a David Tennant postcard!! A lot of really good things happened this year, and a lot of crap too. I learned a lot about myself, about relationships, about trust… I’ve always believed that love will overcome anything, call me naive if you will but I’m a hopeless romantic at heart.
Love is such a strange thing – scary, at the thought of the pain it can cause, and wonderful, at the pure joy as well. I did come close to losing faith in it throughout this year, but despite all the crap it can bring; when I do continue to love, I’ll keep doing so like I can’t get hurt. If you don’t open yourself up and take the risk for fear of being hurt, and it can be an incredible pain… you just miss out on some of the most amazingly wonderful feelings and experiences. I think what I’m saying is that I have no regrets. Joel and I are no longer together, but I’ve had some very good and some very bad experiences with him, and he’s taught me a lot about myself. I think this year I’ve become a more forgiving and tolerant person than I ever have in my life… I’ve grown a lot. And for all that was, I am thankful, and I’m glad it didn’t end ugly and that we’ll still be in touch, and still stay friends.
For friends… this has been a wonderful year. I know it sounds lame but I really do want to, broadcast, for lack of a better word, just how very grateful I am for all of you and everything you’ve done this year. I’ve seen such caring and concern, such selflessness, such honesty from my friends this year and I truly am a very lucky girl. Some of you I’ve only known a year or so, some longer, but I am so incredibly thankful you are in my life. For everything you’ve done for me, just know I would do the same for you in a second.
For family… this year has been a little tumultuous, mostly very good, sad towards the end, but again I couldn’t have got through a lot of things this year had it not been for my parents. As I get older I’m realising all the time that was wasted while I was growing up and living at home, I was such a stubborn, argumentative, defiant child, and now my relationship with my family continues to change into something so different… I’ve become so close with my dad in the last few months, and both my mum and dad have helped me through some of the hardest times this year… and for that I am so thankful.
For everything else… so much amazing music – music means SO much to me, and has helped me a lot also. This year has been a fantastic one for some really great stuff. To have had access to the technology to download all sorts of wonderful TV shows not yet in this country, albums, to listen to BBC radio whenever I want. To have somewhere warm to come home to at the end of the day. There’s a lot of other things I’m grateful for as this year rapidly draws to a close, and I wanted to mark the most important ones down as we bring in 2007. A new year, a new start… and no regrets.
And just one more…
It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish,
And it’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re at
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna’ get up?
How quick are you gonna’ get up?
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna’ get up?
Just how are you gonna’ get up?
Like Ali in the jungle,
Like Nelson in jail,
Like Simpson on the mountain,
With odds like that, they were bound to fail
Like Keller in the darkness,
Like Adam’s in the dock,
Like Ludwig Van, how I loved that man, well the guy went deaf and didn’t give a fuck, no…
No, no, no
It’s not where you are, iIt’s where you’re going,
Where are you going?
And it’s not about the things you’ve done, it’s what you’re doing now,
What are you doing, now?
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna’ get up?
How quick are you gonna’ get up, now?
Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna’ get up?
Just how are you gonna’ get up?
Like Ali in the jungle,
Like Nelson in jail,
Like Simpson on the mountain,
Well with odds like that, they were bound to fail
Like Keller in the darkness,
Like Adam’s in the dock,
Like Ludwig Van, how I loved that man, well the guy went deaf and didn’t give a fuck, no…
Prose and Constellations 